1. Live Reading of Dave Barry’s Year in Review: 2020
  2. Dave Barry Reviews 2021: From the Guy in a Buffalo Head to Vaccines Masculine Balloonage
  3. Dave Barry | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)
  4. dave Barrys 2020 year in review
  5. Dave Barry – Why You Shouldnt Make Fun of North Dakota
  6. Dave Barry Is Running for President (Again)
  7. Dave Barry, “Best. State. Ever.”

Live Reading of Dave Barry’s Year in Review: 2020

hi everyone it is december 30th,of 2020 and i have a tradition of,reading,dave berrys year in review with some of,my nearest and dearest who are helping,me record this today,but since 2020 was just such a charmer,of a year,and also the year of zoo meetings i,figured it could be fun to actually,record it and be able to post it so that,way,its a way of being a late christmas,present to all of you,but since its going to be 43 to 55,minutes long,of me reading about what 2020 was all,about,i understand if you want to skip it,thats fine because its 2021 by the,time that we post this so if you dont,want to go back,you dont have to if however you want to,get a hilarious recount of what 2020 was,like,dave berry is one of my favorite writers,i highly suggest you check him out,and every year he does a year in review,so here it is dave berrys 2020 year in,review dave berrys year in review,2020 was a year of non-stop awfulness,were trying to think of something nice,to say about 2020.,okay here goes nobody got killed by the,murder hornets,as far as we know thats pretty much it,in the past writing these annual reviews,we have said harsh things about previous,years,we owe those years an apology compared,to 2020,all previous years even the disco era,were the golden age of human existence,this was a year of non-stop awfulness a,year when we kept saying it couldnt,possibly get worse,and it always did this was a year in,which our only moments of genuine,unadulterated happiness,were when we were able to buy toilet,paper which is fitting,because 2020 was one long howling,category 5 crap storm,we sincerely dont want to relive this,year but our job is to review it,if you would prefer to skip this,exercise in masochism we completely,understand,if however you wish for some sick reason,to re-experience,2020 now is the time to put on your face,mask douse your entire body with hand,sanitizer,and then to be safe donna hazmat suit,as we look back at the unrelenting,insanity of this hideous year,starting with january,which begins with all of washington as,well as parts of virginia and maryland,gripped by the gripping historic drama,of the impeachment of donald trump,remember that how gripped we were to set,the stage,back in mid-december the house of,representatives passed two articles of,impeachment,after which speaker nancy pelosi in,accordance with the u.s constitution,handed out souvenir signing pens,everyone expected that pelosi would then,send the articles to the senate,but as of early january the senate has,not received them,people are wondering if pelosi what with,her various official duties and,hairdresser appointments,simply forgot to send the articles or,maybe she tried to send them but because,of a bureaucratic snafu,they wound up at a different federal,entity such as the coast guard,eventually however the articles arrived,at the senate where majority leader,mitch,the undertaker mcconnell promises that,the impeachment issue,will receive full and fair consideration,he is of course,joking but this is not obvious because,even when mitch is in a jovial mood he,looks like a man passing a kidney stone,the size of the hope diamond,meanwhile in other political news all,eyes are on iowa as it prepares for the,caucuses,which are closely scrutinized because,they are the first opportunity for a,tiny group of unrepresented voters to,engage in an incomprehensible and deeply,flawed process,by which they annoy presidential,candidates who traditionally go on to,fail,this year in an effort to modernize the,caucuses the iowa democratic party has,upgraded from its old-fashioned manual,reporting procedures to a modern,state-of-the-art app based on the same,software used in the boeing 737 max,airliner in international news,the big story is a u.s targeted drone,strike ordered by trump which kills,iranian military leader kasam solomoni,thereby triggering world war iii and,forcing the us to reinstate the military,draft,at least on twitter iran responds,this is a good indicator of what kind of,year it will be like by shooting down a,ukrainian airliner,elsewhere abroad chinese news media,report that a man in a city named wuhan,died of a mysterious new virus,this is not considered a big deal in the,u.s since it has nothing to do with,either impeachment,or the iowa caucuses a much bigger,international story,concerns prince harry and megan duchess,of sussex,who announced via instagram that they,are sick and tired of being part of the,british royal family and want to just be,regular normal everyday hard-working,folks making millions of dollars,solely because one of them was born into,and the other one married into,the british royal family this plunges,great britain into a crisis the likes of,which it has not been plunged into since,brexit,the crisis finally ends when after a,royal summit meeting with queen,elizabeth ii,described by participants as frank and,heartfelt,harry and megan are beheaded,in sports major league baseball is,rocked by scandal with the release of a,report concluding that the houston,astros engaged in an elaborate,multi-year cheating scheme which critics,charge,enabled the team to win the 2017 world,series,as well as six congressional seats in,the 2018 midterm elections,by way of punishment the league sending,a clear message to future would-be,cheaters,rules that all players involved in this,game will continue to play baseball in,exchange for an enormous amounts of,money,speaking of scandal in february,washington and its immediate suburbs,remain gripped by the u.s senates,historic impeachment trial of president,trump,with democratic prosecutors arguing that,trump illegally pressured ukrainian,leaders to benefit himself politically,while the republican defense team,employing an alibi strategy,claims that trump was playing golf at,the time under the watchful eye of chief,justice john roberts who was kept from,nodding off by a law clerk armed with a,pellet gun,everyone in accordance with senate rules,repeats everything 127 times,after which the republican majority to,the surprise of anyone who has the iq of,a sponge cake,acquits the republican president,washington and its suburbs immediately,start looking around for a new historic,thing to be gripped by,in the midst of the impeachment drama,trump delivers the state of the union,address,an awkward affair that begins with,speaker pelosi refusing to use the,traditional,high privilege and distinct honor,introduction then trump refusing to,shake pelosis hand,then pelosi tearing up her copy of,trumps speech then trump hawking a huge,loogie onto pelosis sway pumps,okay the lugi part did not happen as far,as we know,in other political news iowa democratic,party officials sense that there may be,a problem with their new app,when it declares that the winner of the,states caucuses with 43 million,delegates is walter mondale,followed by the houston astros who also,win the super bowl,this fiasco does not sit well with the,other democratic candidates who realize,they have wasted an entire year trudging,around iowa eating fried objects on,sticks and pretending to care about,iowans,things go more smoothly for the,democrats in the new hampshire primary,and nevada caucuses,with bernie sanders emerging as the,clear front runner which only seems to,make him angrier,a new challenger emerges in the form of,charisma impaired billionaire,mike mike who uses,his personal fortune to hire a vast army,of consultants to supply him with a,powerful arsenal,of focused group tested policies retorts,memes,jokes and humanoid personality traits,nevertheless he struggles in the debates,low point coming when elizabeth warren,during a heated exchange about,non-disclosure agreements,pulls the waistband of bloombergs,underpants over the top of his head,a debate tactic known as the atomic,wedgie first performed by lincoln on,douglas in 1858,despite all these exciting political,developments the number one concern of,the american public,based on the amount of passionate debate

Dave Barry Reviews 2021: From the Guy in a Buffalo Head to Vaccines Masculine Balloonage

[Music],this is dave barry and every year,since,roughly the spanish-american war ive,been writing a year in review,during which i review,all the events of the year,sort of um and every year i conclude,that its,been a pretty crappy year and this year,was no exception your review 2021 year,we got off to a kind of a rough start,the year in review we had uh,on january 6 there were this,bunch of lunatics ran into the nations,capital tried to take it over,including a guy in a buffalo head,unfortunately they were unable to take,over the reins of the federal government,im not sure these people were capable,really of operating a coin operated,laundromat,machine but they did try to take over,the government failed fortunately and,then otherwise we would have buffalo guy,in with nuclear weapons which actually,could have been pretty funny but it,didnt work out that way some financial,news from the beginning of the year,maybe youve probably already forgotten,about this gamestop gamestop with some,kind of stock thing,where all of a sudden it was it made me,remember gamestop they its a thing in,malls that doesnt ever sell games,um,and maybe thats why they they stopped,selling games but anyway they suddenly,were worth millions and billions of,dollars on the stock exchange and i,still dont know why except it really,made a lot of rich people angry so it,was probably a good thing um,another big event,a ship i cant remember the name of the,ship big ship got stuck in the suez,canal,and uh,apparently the the captain was following,ways tried to take a shortcut get stuck,in the canal,they got him out im not going to say,how except it involved a tremendous,amount of vaseline space was big this,year mars rover perseverance we keep,sending these rovers up we i mean it,starts when we started to send,things to the moon,and then now were going to mars and we,keep finding it when we go to these,other planets is that they consist of,dirt,um,pretty much thats it,and the scientists get very excited,about whoa theres dirt on mars too and,then they they made a little helicopter,fly up from the rover perseverance,looked around more dirt basically mars,is dirt i dont know why this is so,exciting to scientists but it is also,this was a year for the other big things,space happening this year billionaires,going into space on their own little,private billionaire spacecraft and we,had a number of uh,major coveted related stories the,biggest one is vaccines,whether to get them whether or not to,get them to me the most exciting element,of that story this year involved,the famous,rapper,epidemiologist nicki minaj,nicki minaj,put on i think it was twitter that im,going to make sure i get this right her,cousins fiancee okay he was going to,marry nicki minajs cousins got the,vaccine,and had a side effect um he thought and,im not i know this is i dont know,families may be watching something his,personal region swelled up his man,fruits ballooned its basically what,happened nicki minaj this is nicki,minajs,cousins fiance and he called off the,wedding,um so anyway this nicki minaj put that,on twitter and it got more attention,than anything anthony fauci said all,year and all these people were very,excited about it and then the uh the,health minister of trinidad which is,where nicki minajs cousins fiance,lived said no we had no such case of,masculine balloonage on this island and,the white house got involved this im,not making any of this up,they offered to have,a white house physician personally,contact nicki minaj and set her straight,then by the end of the year the big,story was,omicron or omicron and one of the things,we need to do as a country is figure out,how to say it omicron which sounds like,one of the lesser villains in avengers,and game and so thats kind of the year,it was,crappy all year like like every other,year,but its my job to summarize it and so,ive tried to do that here,[Music]

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Dave Barry | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

prize-winning columnist and author of,the new,lessons of Lucy the simple joys of an,old happy dog day Barry hey Barry how,are you you look great how old are you,now day hundreds of you know Im 71,you dont look look at that hair no,wrinkles whats at Florida you live in,Florida thats more yeah Wow so your,book I mean I have to tell you this is,the second guest weve had on in a month,what a book addressed to their dog where,youre talking to your dog what does,that say about our society that people,are talking about their dogs in their,books books about dogs sell fairly well,probably okay and and being 70 but what,is that like because Im years from that,and I want to know I want to well I let,me just say this I dont care what else,the medical profession does but they,need to find a way to get to the,prostate gland other than the way,theyre getting to it now,[Applause],I want to I want a procedure where the,doctor stands like 85 yards away it goes,looks good from here Dave you know you,know what I mean Ive heard the rumors,its always the last thing the doctor,does yes like its like you dont want,it he doesnt youre both kind of,ruining that therell be a nuclear war,and so you wont have to do that you,know right you know yours is okay,mines good thanks hows your briefing,before the show so I I really know lucky,you dont have to know that we have some,other things you have other way are you,saying women dont have prostate no,dont know yeah for whatever it does I,dont even know what it but I use just,not to just really its what were going,to talk about but I got even close to,anything nothing but you know they used,to say if you lost it nothing you would,lose it you know theyd take it out you,couldnt have sex but I hear now they,have a way to you can lose it and still,have sex with a woman do you have a,bucket list Dave do you have anything on,your bucket list no that youre pissed,now that Ive been on this show no Im a,youre good nothing you never come on,there must have been something well or,we like me I Ive said in my last,special I had no buck I thought when you,I turned six I thought you get a bucket,list and I found out that everything I,havent done I could give a,yeah I could give us some yeah now,really I was a reason I never went,skiing I dont want to get it no I dont,really nothing Im good thanks for,asking,okay and I have to say ageism I feel,like is the last prejudice that youre,allowed to hold in this country but uh,okay Im old Im 71 and so I can argue I,can talk about this from the perspective,but youve got Pete Roses hair well we,could trade no I mean III as an old,person I talked to groups sometimes with,all people in it and I think the thing,is were still everybody gets old is,there like no group that doesnt turn,out escape you alternative right and so,so youre like basically talking about,something every Asian experience and if,youre old you know it sucks you know,yeah youre not gonna pretend because,its a prostate thing the way its one I,dont think thats the direction you go,in okay but I just mean like we Ive,heard people say about Joe Joe Biden,whatever you think about his scandal and,remember Ive heard people say hes just,too old and you just you know I couldnt,say nor would I want to about mayor Pete,hes too gay or yeah yeah yeah court man,or you know well hes too black I mean,you just cant say that but you can but,but you cant but you somehow can say,hes too old and thats what sensible,pressure getting really close you know,inevitably even Joe Biden is going to,die yes but it doesnt look like its,tomorrow or anytime soon and people are,different at different eyes some people,I mean you do not look 71 Im not just,blowing smoke up your prostate I mean it,you dont look 71 I know people who are,50 who look worse than you,youre really obsessing over that oh,yeah no really I mean it depends people,how you live depends,but but and Ive also saw your bug you,write about how the younger generation,are too sensitive which of course we,started to talk about here tonight and I,think it and when you say that youre,not a dirty guy you know its funny but,whats happened is when when people make,jokes now theres a large segment of the,race significant segment population that,doesnt even begin to enjoy it as humor,theyre not right theyre like theyre,looking for a reason to get offended or,if theyre not offended they know,somebody who would be offended or should,be offended you know so theyre really,just already parsing it for you know,what whats wrong with it,without ever considering whether its,funnier and theyre Democrats on Twitter,apparently yeah,you

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dave Barrys 2020 year in review

howdy folks,my name is sheridan,i well i think im going to type it up,in the,thing down below but uh,im going to do something that i havent,done in,nearly half a decade mainly because my,main audience for it,is sitting at freyas table,my beloved passed away,five some odd years ago,and now,i think its time,so no further ado,i shall perform for you,dave berrys year in review 2020.,and what a hell of a year its been,okay or as it says here 2020 was a year,of non-stop,all fullness how about that he said,by dave berry not by me yadda yadda,yadda,copyrights all that [ __ ] okay first,published december 24 2020 updated,december 27th,so hey what about that now,there we go,were trying to think of something nice,to say about 2020.,okay here it goes though we got killed,by murder hornets,at least as far as we know thats pretty,much it,in the past writing these annual reviews,we have said harsh things about,previous years we owe those years an,apology,compared to 2020 all previous years,including the disco era,were golden age of human existence,this is a year of non-stop awfulness a,year,we kept saying that it couldnt possibly,get worse and it,always did,this was the year where our only moments,of genuine unadulterated happiness were,when we were able to buy,toilet paper,which is fitting because 2020,was one long howling,category five crap storm,we certainly dont want to relive this,year but our job is to review,it and if you would prefer to skip this,exercise in masochism we completely,understand,if however you wish for some sick reason,to re-experience 2020 now is the time to,put on your face mask,douse your entire body in hand sanitizer,and then,to be safe donna hazmat suit as we look,back at the unrelenting insanity,that of this hideous year,starting with january which begins,with all of washington dc as well as,parts of virginia and maryland gripped,in the gripping historic drama of the,impeachment of donald trump,remember that how gripped we were,now set the stage back in mid-november,the house of representatives passed two,articles of impeachment,after which speaker nancy pelosi in,accordance with the us constitution,handed out souvenir,pens everyone expected that pelosi,wouldnt send the articles to the senate,but as of early january the senate had,not received them,people were wondering if pelosi with,what various official duties and,hairdresser appointments had simply,forgot to send the articles or maybe she,tried to send them but because of,bureaucratic snafu they wound up in a,different federal,agency like the coast guard eventually,however the articles did arrive in the,senate where majority reader,majority leader mitch the undertaker,mcconnell,promises the impeachment order seo full,and fair,consideration he was of course joking,but this is not obvious because even,when mitch is in a jovial mood he looks,like a man,casting a kidney stone the pat size of,the hope diamond,meanwhile in other political news all,eyes are on iowa as it prepares for the,caucuses which,are closely scrutinized because the,first opportunity for a tiny group of,unrepresented voters,to engage in an incomprehensible and,deeply flawed process by which,they annoyed presidential candidates who,traditionally go on to,fail this year in an effort to modernize,the caucuses the iowa democratic party,has upgraded from its old-fashioned,manual reporting procedures to a modern,state-of-the-art,app based on the same software that,runs the boeing 737 max airliner,oops the international news the big,story is a u.s targeted drone strike,ordered by trump which kills iranian,military,leader kassim solomoni and i cant,pronounce that,thereby triggering world war three and,forcing the u.s to reinstate the,military draft,at least on twitter iran responds,and this is a good indicator of what,kind of year its going to it was going,to be,by shooting down the ukrainian airliner,elsewhere abroad chinese nudia news,media reported that a man the city,named luhan died of a mysterious new,virus,this is not considered a big deal in the,u.s because it has absolutely nothing to,do with either the impeachment or the il,caucus,a much bigger international story,concerns prince harry,and megan duchess of sussex who,announced via instagram that they are,sick,and tired of being part of the british,royal family and just want to be regular,normal everyday hard-working votes,making millions of dollars solely,because one of them was born into and,the other one married into,the british royal family this,plunges great britain into a crisis the,likes of which has not been,seen since brexit,the crisis finally ends when after a,royal summit meeting with queen,elizabeth ii,described by participants as frank and,heartfelt,harry and megan are beheaded,in sports news major league baseball is,rocked by the scandal of the release of,a report,concluding that the houston astros,engaged in an elaborate,multi-year cheating scheme which critics,charge enabled the team to win the 2017,world series,as well as six congressional seats in,the 2018 midterm elections,by way of punishment the league sending,a clear message to future would-be,cheaters,rules that all players involved in the,scheme will continue to play,the baseball and exchange for enormous,amounts of money,speaking of scandal in february,washington dc and its immediate suburbs,remain gripped by the u.s senates,historic impeachment trial of president,trump,with democratic prosecutors arguing that,trump illegally pressured ukrainian,leaders to benefit himself politically,while the republican defense team,employing an alibi strategy claims that,trump was playing golf at the time,under the watchful eye of chief justice,john roberts who is kept from nodding,off by,a law clerk armed for the pellet gun,everyone in accordance to senate rules,repeats,everything 127 times after which the,republican majority,to the surprise of anyone who has an iq,higher than a sponge cake,lower than a sponge cake excuse me,acquits the republican president,washington and its suburbs immediately,start looking around,for,look around for a new historic thing,which to be gripped by,in the midst of the impeachment drama,trump delivers the state of the union,address an awkward affair which begins,with speaker pelosi refusing,the traditional high privilege and,distinct honor introduction,and then trump refusing to shake,policys hand and then pull,pelosi tearing up her copy of trumps,speech and then trump hawking looking on,pelosis suede pumps,okay the the louis thing didnt happen,as far as we know in other political,news,iowa democratic officials sense that,there may be a problem with their new,app when it declares the winner of the,states caucuses with,43 million delegates is walter mondale,i havent heard about him in a while,followed by the houston astros,who also won the super bowl this fiasco,does not sit well with other democratic,candidates who realize that they have,wasted an entire year,trudging around iowa eating fried,objects on sticks,and pretending to care about people from,iowa,things go more smoothly for the,democrats in new hampshire primary at,the nevada caucuses,with bernie sanders emote emerging as a,clear front runner,only to which certainly seems to make,him angrier,a new challenger emerges in the form of,charisma impaired billionaire mike,bloomberg,who uses his personal fortune to hire a,vast army of consultants to supply him,with profound,powerful arsenal of focus group tested,politics,retorts memes jokes and humanoid,personality traits,nevertheless he struggles in the debates,the low point coming when,elizabeth warren during a heated,exchange about non-disclosure agreement,pulls the waistbands of bloombergs,underpants,up over top of his head a debate tactic,known as the atomic wedgie,first performed by lincoln on douglas in,1858,despite all of the,existing political development the,number one concern of the american,public based on the amount of passionate,debate it generates on the inter

Dave Barry – Why You Shouldnt Make Fun of North Dakota

fora tv the world is thinking I was an,English major citing new useful skills,when I got out of college and so I got a,job but I wanted to write I got a job at,a newspaper called The Daily local news,which is the real name of a newspaper in,West West Chester Pennsylvania daily,its just what its that daily if you,count you dont count Sunday as a day,daily local news local news and we were,with this was a kind of a small town,classic small town paper while I was,there we actually published a story with,the following headline which nobody,noticed until it got in the paper woman,beats off would-be rapists so thats the,daily look a new style of editing and we,were like very very local we would like,if like if a during the summer when,local residents would have Gardens if,somebody grew a zucchini that was like,unusual like it would look like Winston,Churchill or something that we would,Larry McDevitt arf dart would go take a,picture wed run that on the on the,front page of the daily losing and if,you think about it a lot of zucchini do,look like Winston Churchill so that was,a kind of a staple of our coverage of,the and so I think thats the world I,came to as a as a an English major and,and I was assigned to cover the the,borough of Downingtown Downingtown,Pennsylvania specifically the downtown,area regional sewage authority that was,seriously that was my big day and Anna,which was it was as you would imagine,that was the authority for all the,sewage in the in the downtown region and,I knew nothing about sewage but I would,have to go to these meetings where these,guys would talk for hours about sewage,and sewer interceptors and and things,like that and despite not really knowing,anything about I would write long,stories about and and to this day I,dont really know what I was writing,about I dont know why you would,intercept sewage for one thing,but its kind of interesting okay I kind,of wait with me and suid you kind of,went in a big circle so to speak because,yours later when I was a comest I,actually got involved again with the,sewage industry what happened was I,wrote it I wrote a column making fun of,North Dakota and if anybody ever heard,of it okay,its a state North Dakota and its,losing population like wolves are eating,them or something you know and they want,people to come there you know if you go,there they pull you over say hey you,want to be in the legislature you know,and so they had this idea a few years,ago and they the image they decide the,image of the state of North Dakota was,not good people didnt have a positive,image of North Dakota and thats why,nobody went there and why people want to,leave there so we talked about ways to,improve the image of North Dakota and,one of the ideas they came up with which,was seriously considered was to change,the name of the state serious eye and,from North Dakota to Dakota very good,yeah,does that make you just want to go I run,out right Im going to Dakota you know,okay I thought that was really stupid,and I wrote a column viciously mocking,that idea and that was one of the,biggest mistakes I ever made in my,journalism career do not mess with North,Dakota okay you dont learn anything,else tonight learn that first of all I,got an angry letter from everybody in,the state,theres nearly 115 letters and a second,of all and this is the fiendish part of,North Dakota revenge scheme they invited,me up there in January and dedicated a,sewage lifting station in my honor today,its absolutely true if you go to a,Grand Forks North Dakota for any reason,such as your plane has crashed there,there is a a brick building and and I,say in all modesty its a little bit of,a tourist attraction every now and then,somebody sends me a picture of himself,standing in front of and its brick,building in on it and in foot-high,letter says de Bary lift station number,16 and inside is the equipment that,lifts the sewage which is a concept also,I dont understand I would leave the,sewage down there you know but you know,North to go to the lift ed you know as,theyre bored theyre bored lets see No,so anyway say this big ceremony this big,dedication ceremony and they had they,put a brown piece of paper over the sign,and it was like a very cold Daves in,the cold days Ive ever experienced was,like a 20 below zero and they had some,you know they had some official people,and some media people and some members,of the actual public and were were,standing out there freezing in front of,this building with this you know piece,of paper over the sign and the mayor of,Grand Forks read a proclamation,dedicating the sewage lifting station in,my honor and very eloquently comparing,my work to the production of human,excrement and in at the big moment they,had me tear the piece of paper off the,side and I remember standing there and,see my name on the side of this building,and smelling the sewage in the cold,North Dakota air and hearing what,pop-pop-pop-pop which is the sound of,people applauding and mittens,so so the point is sewage has been kind,of a theme running through my my career,from from beginning to end,[Music],you,[Music]

Dave Barry Is Running for President (Again)

I think we can agree that,democracy is a wonderful system,for people who are basically insane.,Dave Barry is the author of approximately eleventy billion books,and the recipient of exactly one Pulitzer Prize.,For four decades he wrote a weekly column,syndicated from his home base of the Miami Herald,and he is the author of the annual despairing hilarious Year in Review.,If you think thats tough you ought to try writing a humor column.,Barrys books form the basis for a short-lived show about his life,,Daves World.,And his novel, Big Trouble, was made into a film,of the same name.,Next bullet goes through your head.,Its the story of a bunch of miscreants,who wind up inadvertently stealing a nuclear suitcase,and hijacking a plane due to their own incompetence.,The film was set to be released,inauspiciously on September 12, 2001.,What is this? Garbage disposal.,I sat down with Barry to talk about his new book,,Lessons From Lucy,,Americas strategic helium reserve,,First of all, we need helium. The country needs—you cant have a country without helium.,I assume.,Yeah, probably.,So I would go to war for the helium, yeah.,The jokes he cant tell anymore,,and his perennial, vaguely libertarian campaign for the presidency.,I am also running for President of the United States.,Thank you.,We last spoke, you last spoke with Reason in 1994,,And you figure its about time,You know, we didnt want to overexpose you—Twenty-five years have gone by—,We thought it was about time to bring you back to our viewers.,At the time you were running for president. Are you still running for president?,Well, yeah, I mean in the sense that—and I used to view it as sort of a joke,,but its getting harder and harder to do.,Yeah. Well, I think that you will be officially,the 25th entrant into the 2020 field.,if you are running right now.,I think if right now we took a poll in Iowa,,Id be ahead of Bill DeBlasio by quite a bit.,Not a little, a lot.,Yeah.,And thats only because hes the most obscure one whose name I can actually think of.,There are people far more obscure than Bill DeBlasio,,and Id be ahead of them, too.,I think there might be a special hatred for Bill DeBlasio in Iowa,,so I think that was a good edge.,As there should be.,I was just in New York and and I cant, I didnt sense,,let me put it this way, this sense.,I would mention it occasionally to people hes running for.,and the, the feeling among New Yorkers,,you would think his base is not real positive.,Not a groundswell.,No.,But the Dave Barry campaign on the other hand,—is a juggernaut—is taking off.,What is your platform?,Well, the number one thing that really got me started,,and its sort of a Reason related thing,,was low-flow toilets.,I was against them.,I was one of the first people against them,,and Im still against them.,I think we still have them.,But I like to point out that we had,really great toilets in this country.,When I grew up, you probably did too, great toilets.,Make Americas bathrooms great again.,We could suck down a mature sheep with our toilets and now,Now, you know look what were dealing with.,So theres a point, kind of a bedrock principle.,Thats my like the equivalent of Trumps wall.,Mine is like just toilets like were taking away from us by regulators,Yeah is so its a kind of a deregulation thing and then of course, Im always up for accepting,Kim you know campaign contributions. Thats a kind of a fundamental part of my campaign is is people giving money to it,Hows that going?,Not so well at the moment, but Im glad to have this opportunity to make yeah,Just do a little ice cream fund-raising I take venmo,I I think Ill have to ask my daughter how it works,But I would take it if if it were available,Good and I mean in general you have a long glorious history of using the federal government as a punchline,well, Ive said this for many years if you,View the federal government as a form of entertainment. Its a lot easier to just cope with it mentally,So I vote when I write the you know quarterly check for my income taxes,I think that Im getting a lot of a lot of value for that lately,I feel the federal government is just strictly as an entertainment entertainment medium. Its pretty good. Its pretty good,What do you say to people that are like?,You know Dave its a its all very well and good but like things are really serious now,Well, I will give a semi serious answer to that. I I,mean Ill give Ill give them that there are issues that they should be upset about and,issues, were all upset about but I,Believe I had a lot of friends who when when Trump was elected president,Honestly fought and I dont know why they thought this but they thought they were gonna be in trouble with the police,For I dont know why and I would say to them if you know like the Coral Gables,Please find a time to come around to your house arrest you or something. Let me know,okay, Ill do anything I can just but there was kind of that level of,Concern so its you know, thats insane,And I think those people have served figured that out at some point that its its um, you know, whatevers happening,Its happening in a much more macro level than that, but even there,You know,I always Liz will write my lecture that where I,Turn into old person for my kids like I grew up in the 60s when in this very city that were in right now,Washington DC there were troops in the streets fires raging,Snipers on building the president was assassinated a couple years before then,His brother was assassinated in Martinique. Theres last say there was less not to mention the war in Vietnam and the civil rights movement,Where it was?,Pretty clear that you know terrible things were happening in the South, you know,Oh, I dont I cant imagine you would look at all that and say that right now today things are worse. I just,Does that maybe a stupid old person I to take comfort in the fact that the entire late 60s appeared to be on fire,But I also didnt live through it. So maybe thats why you missed it. I missed all the bad times. Yeah, apparently, you know just,It is theres so much drama in peoples minds now,You know Twitter fuelled drama about how everything is just horrible,And Im just too old as fuck it I can only take like 100% Yeah,yeah, I Im just not gonna get that upset about um,You know,Pretending you know, there has to be some actual issue that to make me more upset. Are you a Twitter?,Er, do you spend a lot of time?,I I have a Twitter account and I do tweet from time to time like once a week maybe and,But,Im mostly view Twitter as a good way to get on the morning and look at it while Im going to the bathroom,which is the time to look at it about the right amount time and,Not to get too, you know,Detailed. I mean weve already weve already like been twice to the bathroom and I know,Maybe like just a yeah, one more word on this Mike. Thats my I was gonna say bread and butter, but that sounds ready,Yeah, thats not where was it? Oh, yeah, so I and I look through Twitter anything,Everybodys got the same people that are always upset about things are still upset about those things,I same people who are getting them. Youre wrong about that. Heres my clever retort. Oh, yeah. Well, heres my even clever,Theyre still all doing that,you know, I dont know where they find the time or the energy to be honest, but it kind of reassures me that whatever our,Meaningless. My life is currently it is not that meaningless that thats what Im doing all day,Thats the good part of Twitter in the past,Youve described yourself as a soft libertarian as cynical libertarian. Do you have a preferred?,Modifier Im always afraid to even bring up libertarian cuz theres so many really like on your case libertarians ready to determine it,Youre the wrong kind. You probably are Ill just come out and say youre the wrong kind of like many many tests of,purity, but I,Im heres the kind of Im the kind of libertarian whos like when theres a group of people at a party,Im the only one who is the libertarian so, yo

Dave Barry, “Best. State. Ever.”

Dave berry awarded the Pulitzer Prize,for commentary has named his name has,made his weekly humor column for the,Miami Herald through more than 30 books,ranging from fiction to essays to memoir,Barry has consistently found the light,side of every situation now he delves,into the history and landscape of,Florida,how many Floridians do we have here,tonight yeah,using its signature ironic wit to defend,his home state from those who still hold,its handling of the 2000 presidential,election against it or wonder how many,people can live with all those,alligators and oversized insects at the,size of LeBron James,Kirkus Reviews says that this is a,breezy travelogue through swampland,strip clubs and a retirement community,reported to be rife with swingers New,York Times Book Review says genuine,calls us genuine genius American,silliness has long had a champion in,Dave Barry he remains and there is no,other word for it,hilarious and Carla and the author says,despite years of medication Dave Barry,is still the funniest damn writer in the,whole country lets hope he never grows,up so if you will please join me in,welcoming Dave Barry,thank thank you thank you all for coming,this has been a weird day I dont know,if youve been following the news but,every every year I write a year review,and this year over and over again people,have been saying to me oh god its gonna,be so easy for you but thats not true,because the the key to writing humor is,you take you know some event and then,you exaggerate it and make it ridiculous,and you cant do that this year,theyre so far ahead of us,but anyway Im no I just want to say and,I will get into this later I want to,discuss this later that um that nobody I,dont think and would have predicted,that the October Surprise would be,Anthony Weiner but anyway I must start,with my book I I live in Miami I moved,there in 1986 from the United States and,Ive long been a defender of Miami has a,bad reputation people mock it and Ive,been a defender of the city Ive I even,had a bumper stickers made up ones that,said come back to Miami we werent,shooting at you,and for a long time it was really just,Miami that you know I was defending and,and it might mean needed defending a lot,of weird things happen in Miami I could,basically spend the next two hours,telling you things that have happened to,Miami that would be difficult to believe,but what really changed for the state of,Florida was that as he mentioned was a,2000 presidential election when Florida,lived up to its official state motto,you cant spell it without duh and Im,sure you all remember you dont remember,it as vividly as we do down in Florida,but doubt that hideous long night where,nobody knew who had voted for all the,other states were able to figure that,out,and Florida couldnt and you know the,beginning the night they called it for,Gore then they called it for Bush then,they called it for Gore again briefly,William Shatner was was leading and then,we we entered a hellish period if you if,you live in Florida the next 2-3 weeks,where they every night on the news they,would show the elections officials,holding up these ballots trying to,figure out what the hell people had done,to them you know chewed them what you,know drooled on them and try to figure,who they were drooling for and it was it,was awful and I at the time proposed,that we should come up with a new kind,of ballot for Florida voters because,obviously were incapable of punching a,hole in a piece of cardboard an art my,idea was a ballot where you would print,photographs of the candidates faces on,the ballot you would vote by poking out,your candidates eyeball,but that would have been a mistake,probably voted voters would have poked,out their own eyeballs and and but so,this year were a little edgy down there,its Florida is a swing state we dont,want to decide to selection we really,dont wed rather give our electoral,votes to some other state or divide them,up you know Wyoming Delaware little,states that dont have a lot of votes,but can count them but anyway but anyway,my book is basically Im defending the,state of Florida and I do acknowledge,right away in this book that Florida is,a weird state we a lot of you apparently,by show of hands but thank you for not,shooting our from Florida its a weird,state this is a sadistic Im about to,give you actual statistic Florida has 6%,of the nations population and produces,57 percent of the nations weirdness,thats an actual statistic but one of,the things I argue in my book is that,its not really totally our fault yes,many people do weird things in Florida,but theyre not always from Florida I,will give you exactly youre all,familiar with the Florida man Florida,woman meme its all over the internet,every every day there are stories from,Florida about people doing incredibly,bizarre things down there and one of my,favorite examples and one that was got a,lot of publicity when it happened and,you may recall it involved a woman she,was driving south on the Overseas,Highway which connects the mainland to,Key West beautiful Road she was,southbound on them on the Overseas,Highway and she was according to the,police report later filed on this,incident going to see her boyfriend in,Key West and she was very eager to see,him and she wanted to look good for him,so she decided to shave her bikini,region now some people would have pulled,over to the side of the road but she was,in a big hurry so she decided to shave,while driving but of course she couldnt,see where she was going so she,outsourced the steering of the car to,her passenger who and this is one of the,things that makes this a Florida story,was her ex-husband is all truth so,according to the Florida State Highway,Patrol report filed on this incident,they were going south at about 45 miles,an hour she was shaving but not looking,obviously he was steering what could,possibly go wrong in a one-in-a-million,fluke who could have seen this coming,the car in front of them slowed down and,they rammed into it and that was the,accident that was ended up being,international news and everybody I mean,every I thought that was hilarious it,was in papers everywhere you know can,you believe it Florida this womans,shaving her that woman was from Indiana,she was shaving her Hoosier okay case,you always wondered what that word meant,but Florida got the blame you know Oh,Lord but my point is were you know yes,a lot of weird things happen but its,not really always our fault we are like,the Ellis Island for weirdness like you,know instead of the tired and poor we,get the stupid and weird but its from,your state often that those people come,so any my so my book is partly a defense,of the state of Florida and I do point,out a number of things that first of all,its a we have good weather except,during hurricane season which runs from,June through the following June designed,by one hurricane story Ive been to a,bunch of hurricanes the worst for me,personally was Andrew Hurricane Andrew,passed directly over my what was my,house in 1992 and that was really not a,funny event for me except for in the,aftermath and it was awful you know the,neighborhood I was in was completely,wrecked by it it was a lot of weird,things were going on but the funny thing,involved my dogs at the time of,Hurricane Andrew I had two dogs at a,large Maine dog named Ernest and a small,emergency backup dog named zippy,no you need two dogs in case your main,dog goes down in the hurricane and prior,to Hurricane Android lettuces zippy out,every morning via a two-stage procedure,if you ever had a dog you know that,going out in the morning is a very big,deal to the dog dog gets very excited,about dog cant believe you thought of,it even though you do it every day you,know whoa gonna go out you know anyways,to Sage CIO in the back door and we had,a patio with a screen enclosure which,you needed in South Florida to keep the,mosquitos from stealing your patio,furniture and out on the back door,nurses

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