1. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore – Movie Review
  2. THE FANTASTIC BEASTS MOVIES – Theyre Terrible and Newt Deserved Better
  3. The Secrets of Dumbledore — Death by Author | Anatomy Of A Failure
  4. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Review
  5. The Secret Crimes of a Dying Franchise
  6. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore – Angry Review
  7. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Pitch Meeting

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore – Movie Review

an inspired adventure of imagination,traversing the wizarding world,and then there are these fantastic,beasts movies,[Music],so fantastic beasts the secrets of,dumbledore is the third fantastic beast,movie we have jude law once again,playing younger dumbledore we have mads,mikkelsen playing grindelwald but they,cant actually go against each other,they cant make a move against each,other its pretty much like chess where,theyre both the kings but the king,cant try to take the other king because,that would put the king in check and the,king cant willingly go into check so,the kings have to rely on the pawns and,the rooks and the knights the bishops to,do their bidding now first of all mads,mikkelsen is great hes a legend in,anything he does and i really like mads,mikkelsen as grindelwald i dont like,why mads mikkelsen had to be grindelwald,especially in a world where disney,officially apologized to johnny depp and,theyre like were sorry more and more,its looking like you know the scenario,in a movie where theres a bomb and,someone has to cut the red wire or the,blue wire and only one is the correct,decision the other one is the incorrect,decision looking like warner brothers,cut the red wire when they should have,cut the blue wire but in a world where,weve had three faces of grindelwald at,this point weve had uh colin farrell,johnny depp and mads mikkelsen although,colin farrell became johnny depp because,it was a disguise you know but still,three faces matts mickelson brought a,lot to the character and this movie as a,whole i hope he has a great chiropractor,on speed dial because he is gonna have,some hardcore back problems for carrying,this entire movie on his shoulder but,johnny depp is grindelwald he he just,looked off you know i couldnt buy,dumbledore going for this guy this guy,who just screams maniac screams problems,mads mikkelsen comes across exactly how,you would think mads mikkelsen would be,as grindelwald i can see people,following this guy and then at a point,being like i think i got in too deep to,some really bad which you get the,feeling thats what happened with,dumbledore i just think mads mikkelsen,really brought that into focus other,than that this movies just you know,it happened i guess you see these,fantastic beasts movies ill give it to,the first one where they tried to do,something new yeah its like monster,hunter in the wizarding world then they,were like all right lets do some,dumbledore backstory lets lets,concentrate on him now but theyre still,trying to hold on to the fantastic beast,element and some of the characters in,theirs there are too many irons in this,fire man especially when one of the main,characters in terms of plot point in,this whole thing is ezra miller who in,terms of screen presence,im concerned for the flash movie ezra,miller stands there but doesnt stand,out its just kind of the mantra but to,its core the problem i have with this,movie other than having too many,characters they need to juggle because,they feel like they have to hold on to,the fantastic beasts characters which,they,kind of do i mean they did set the stage,for the adventure going on now the,problem is i just i dont care because,the movie is not making me care and i,think that comes from a severe lack of,inspiration in terms of creating the,material you look at harry potter harry,potters imaginative inspired the world,is fleshed out its building a world,that jk rowling obviously cared about,this just feels like what happens when,warner brothers goes to the richest,woman in the world and goes hey you want,to be the richest,woman in the world cool awesome lets,lets make some up as we go along,why not im sure were going to hear,somewhere that jk rowling had this whole,story of fantastic beasts planned out by,the time she wrote order the phoenix but,im just im never gonna buy it these,fantastic beasts movies especially at,crimes of grindelwald now secrets of,dumbledore they just come across,as warner brothers making movies so they,can hold on to the intellectual property,of the character i dont know for sure,but you remember that fantastic four,movie that came out eons ago it was a,fantastic four movie that was made,simply because the studio had to make a,fantastic horror movie in order to hold,on to the license of the characters i,really feel like thats what these,fantastic beasts movies are its just so,warner brothers can hold on to the,rights of the characters so they can,still maintain the rights to the games,and anything that comes out involving,the wizarding world granted j.k,rowlings i guess credited as one of the,screenwriters so that is a flaw thats a,loophole in that argument again dont,know for sure but if i found out thats,why these movies are happening i,wouldnt be the least bit surprised case,in point after,an overly convoluted overly inflated run,time that is this movie there is,something that does deal with elections,you know so its a wizarding world,election going on is it commentary about,elections in america do not know dont,care but the point is and im keep this,vague because i dont want to spoil,anything but the logistics of whats,happening and these wizards going in is,just a world of you know illusions,spells hexes and charms but were going,to go ahead and buy that i would it just,doesnt make sense the triwizard,tournament has more checks and balances,in place keeping people from putting,their name in the goblet of fire when,theyre not supposed to then the,political element of the wizarding world,has it just doesnt make any sense this,movie just doesnt feel like its a,smooth road leading to a point like the,harry potter books or movies every year,was a story that did feed into the,larger story as a whole that would be,all seven books or seven movies or eight,movies however you want to see it this,movie just feels like a series of all,right these characters are on this,adventure these characters are on this,adventure,newt scamander has this weird animal,thing where hes you know hes doing,this because he knows how to deal,with animals and so right so you have,that so youre reminded oh this is a,fantastic beasts movie but man there are,things that happened in the last movie,admittedly i didnt remember happening,but they happened and they were like,huge things that could have been crazy,character turns and shifts but it,doesnt last long enough in order to be,profound in order for it to matter ive,heard this is the best,of the fantastic beasts movies is it the,best of the fantastic beasts movies,sure but in any case the best of,forgettable is still forgettable mads,crushed it but the problem is now that,ive seen a different person play,grindelwald effectively in each movie,just feels like every movie we get a new,face,of someone were told is this same,character but it doesnt feel like the,same character just feels like were,dealing with new people like the crimes,of grindelwald secrets of dumbledore im,not gonna remember t minus one day yep,already forgot also one thing i do,remember very clearly dude was the best,part of this movie i feel like hes been,the best part of all the fantastic,beasts movies hes clearly way too good,for this franchise all right so,fantastic beasts and the crimes against,cinematic storytelling,which no its a play on the previous,movies title but,who has two thumbs and doesnt give a,,what did you think of the secrets of,dumbledore did you like it did you not,are you disappointed are you done with,these fantastic beasts movies or are you,hooked for the three other movies they,want to make after this whatever you,think comment below let me know and as,always if you like what youve seen here,and you want to see more click right,here to see more,[Music],you

THE FANTASTIC BEASTS MOVIES – Theyre Terrible and Newt Deserved Better

how in the hell did you let this get,this bad,how in the hell did you let this,get this bad i cannot believe hello this,video is sponsored by myself and my,clothing brand alien clothing thats,a-y-y-l-i-e-n,we just released a lot of really cool,stuff including the shirt that i really,love go over there and see if you like,anything the fantastic,oh my god,today we are taking a look at the,fantastic beasts movies and im so,excited because they are very bad,not completely terrible there are some,redeeming qualities here and there,mostly in the first one but well get,into that,witches live among us,if you havent seen my huge video and,all the harry potter movies you should,watch that first and then come back to,this one i spent a lot of time on that,video and i think its pretty good so,the first movie they were all directed,by david yates and they were written by,jk rowling and i think most of the,problems with these movies has to do,with the writing kind of ironic coming,from a very famous writer maybe she,should stick to writing novels instead,of movies but hey here we are right away,this movie tries to hook you in with the,nostalgia john williams did not score,this movie but they sprinkle these harry,potter songs all throughout these movies,shes in season,she needs to mate,all i can do is think about harry potter,granted its cool to revisit this,universe but this story is not harry,story so its just kind of odd to make,me think about harry story when its,completely different i do like the,protagonist newt scamander hes played,by eddie redmayne and i think he did a,great job,i really like the idea of him first off,if you didnt know fantastic beasts and,where to find them was originally this,very small book it was basically just a,small encyclopedia of fantastical beasts,and these movies are about the person,who wrote that book at least theyre,supposed to be about him theyre all,over the place though like hes in them,and hes a big part of some of them but,for a lot of these movies they kind of,forget that newt exists basically hes a,wizard thats obsessed with magical,creatures he learned everything about,them he wants to save and preserve them,because apparently the rest of the,magical world couldnt give less of a,[ __ ] about them i guess newt is the,first wizard to go out and try and learn,everything he can about these creatures,and record it thats one of his big,missions to write this book about,magical creatures so the rest of the,wizarding world arent ignorant to the,way they function in the world and their,temperaments and everything else like an,extermination guide no a guide to help,people understand why were protecting,these creatures instead of killing,culture but im guessing theres a bunch,of books already about these creatures,how is it possible that newt is the,first person to give a [ __ ] about them,to record stuff about them its just,weird right like there should be a lot,of people out there that devote their,lives to these magical creatures but i,guess not like i guess newt is the only,one he then made the acquaintance of,newt scamander the worlds foremost and,albeit only met a zoologist anyway one,of the cool things about this character,is that he carries around a zoo,basically in his suitcase he has a,magical suitcase that he can go inside,of and its massive in there and this is,where he keeps all his magical creatures,its a place where he can keep them safe,but also learn more about them and,transport them from one place to another,without the muggles learning about them,or what hes doing so i think that,premise is pretty neat the creativity,used in this movie to show us about,these creatures is really cool the first,one we learned about is called a niffler,its basically just a platypus thats,obsessed with shiny things and it will,go out of its way to find shiny things,and jam them into its pouch i guess its,pouch is magical and it has like an,endless bottom because there are many,instances where newt is shown emptying,the niffler like hes shaking it and a,bunch of [ __ ] is flying out of this,nifflers pouch so thats kind of weird,having a pouch with no bottom yeah i,think it would have been kind of neat if,they used that in this movie newt could,like use his pouch to hide something i,dont know but they dont do that,newt spends a lot of time trying to,catch this niffler the niffler is a pain,in the ass and it tries to run away,constantly for some reason newt doesnt,just use the spell accio on it he does,do that but not nearly as much as he,should he could save himself a lot of,trouble if you just use that spell i,know some of the time hes like within,the muggle world and so he cant use,spells but he just does anyway so why,didnt he just use accio,also his briefcase sucks for some reason,and the latches keep popping up so,maybe he should use magic to i dont,know make sure his suitcase doesnt open,randomly he has magic to make this,briefcase into this massive zoo but not,to make it so secure and the creatures,cant escape because the niffler seems,to just crawl out of it very easily,thats kind of an issue newt,absolutely yes its also kind of silly,to me that the niffler tries to escape,this guys briefcase when its already,massive inside there and he keeps the,nifflers in this area with a bunch of,shiny stuff you know to keep them,preoccupied but i guess that wasnt,enough for this particular niffler who,desperately wants to get all the shiny,stuff outside of the briefcase because,maybe it already collected all the stuff,inside the briefcase i gotta be honest,if theres one magical creature id want,to have it would be a niffler you know,how useful a niffler would be just toss,it outside and it comes back with like a,million dollars in jewels every single,day its the most valuable creature in,existence,newt has a muggle-worthy switch on his,briefcase and when he clicks it it makes,it so when you open the briefcase,muggles dont see anything odd inside it,just looks like a regular briefcase but,he only decides to flip this switch,right when hes about to get searched,like if youre walking around the muggle,world always have this switch on you,know be safe,newt is very haphazard with his magic in,these movies youll see that as i,continue newt is traveling to the usa to,introduce a massive bird frank to its,natural habitat in arizona but nuke gets,in trouble with the usa magical ministry,or the makuza magical congress the,united states of america so you work for,makuza kind of weird like you know,yakuza but in this case its the makuza,theres no similarities there but they,just sound similar just weird,newt is caught by tina for performing,magic in front of no match a nomad is,basically the american version of muggle,but they get confused by this when,theyre talking to each other do,american wizards not know the british,slang for muggles and vice versa like do,they not ever communicate what,sorry we call them muggles also newt,lies to tina and gives her a random,excuse as to why hes there what are you,doing in work anyway i came to my,birthday president theres only one,breeder of appaloosa puffskins in the,world and he lives in new york we dont,allow the breeding of magical creatures,in new york we closed that guy down a,year ago and what are you doing in new,york i came to pineapple is a puffskin,sir is it illegal to release this big,bird in arizona they dont tell us this,but im assuming it is i dont know if,you need like a magical license to do,this or what but for some reason newt,lies so cool theres a comical relief,character whos also a muggle named,kowalski hi jacob kowalski yeah its a,pretty awful name its not memorable at,all and the only reason i know this is,because ive been doing so much research,on these movies im pretty sure if you,go up to any random person who has seen,these movies on the street and youre,like hey name the funny muggle from the,fantastic beasts movies they wont be,able to do that,call me jacob,didnt ask dont care

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The Secrets of Dumbledore — Death by Author | Anatomy Of A Failure

this were about to buy bespoke post get,20 off your first box with cornfield,mento,all right then oh i imagine that youre,all wondering where you find yourselves,here,our best hope is to confuse him,its the best plan being no,thus confusion,wrong,[Music],secrets of dumbledore is the third movie,in the not harry potter franchise in,which young dumbledore assembles a crew,of heroes to stop the evil wizard,grindelwald played by colin farrell by,johnny depp by max mikkelsen the result,is very much in line with the,predecessors in that the movie has great,actors and amazing visuals but also,suffers from major creative narrative,missteps,for example at a time when politics has,become a global virus that you cannot,escape this fictional magical movie,decides to be all about politics not in,a clever subtext way as something like,the x-men no the main plot here is about,stopping the bad guy from rigging an,election,and just as previously the core reason,for the weak narrative side is,billionaire jk rowling who just doesnt,seem to be able to write for film,theres no denying her success as a book,author but in terms of movies she keeps,struggling and doing book things that,simply do not work on screen and im not,the only one saying that because this,time even warners decided to bring in a,professional screenwriter which based on,her credits went like this jk rowling,wrote the first version of the movie and,then the screenwriter helped her fix it,as much as it could and things are,definitely better now than last time,there is good writing here like for,example in this scene where we see this,woman being harassed and standing up,against their wrestlers you know what it,is,you just arent menacing enough until we,realize its just a ploy,whoopsie frank sometimes i forget my own,strength ill take it from here thank,you as in she wasnt standing up against,harasser she was genuinely telling her,helpers to look more menacing so that,the good kai human would notice thats a,great reversal whoever wrote this,clearly knows how to write but,improvements aside secrets of dumbledore,is still plagued by fundamental book,writing problems that reduce its quality,as a film this can be something very,obvious like characters being treated as,narrators who verbalize things out loud,dumbledore you know this because hes,told you you then learned of a world you,had previously been wholly unaware of,you met and fell in love with a witch,wendell vowed wants a muggle wizard war,and if he gets his wish because she can,see into your soul,betrayal in my heart he holds me,responsible for his sisters death every,breath he takes as a reminder that she,breathes no more,what,or it could be something more,fundamental and extensive we touched on,some of that stuff in the last video but,since jk rowling keeps on writing her,movies like books lets keep on learning,from her mistakes heres a couple more,book writing elements to watch out for,when writing for film as well as a,positive comparison at the end of how,films should be treated,one major book problem here is how many,characters are introduced as parts of,larger groups to the point where they,dont have enough unique individuality,to stand apart a great example of this,is the end of the first act where the,heroes havent assembled on his train to,begin their move against the evil,grinder world and our main hero newt,literally introduces everyone as if hes,jk rowling this is bunty broadacre my,indispensable sister this is uh,oh okay this is my brother thesis and oh,okay he works for the ministry youve,obviously already invaded jacobs queen,yeah oh okay,and to be fair some of the characters do,get established outside of the group to,help us understand them as people newt,and the human kowalski and even,dumbledore all got moments before this,showing what theyre wrestling with and,striving for they work just fine but in,a class below that we have newts,brother whose only action before this,was following nude around as they go,listen to dumbledores exposition tell,me what this is about would you he just,starts that we meet him that id be sure,to bring you we dont get anything about,who he is we dont get to understand him,as an individual hes just kind of there,as part of the group who told you why,youre here was he meant to,now,with him you can argue that the build-up,was done in the previous movies but that,didnt stop the other three from getting,something and for that reason because,the brother isnt his own person as much,as hes part of the collective hes,already disappearing among all these,others,so this is my but in a class below that,we have newt secretary and this guy who,essentially just appear on a train,we dont get anything about them as,people theyre effectively introduced as,cogs in a bigger machine all thats here,is that she was in the last movie for,one second and hes related to someone,from the last movie and so whats there,to care about or remember how can we,take interest in them as they spread out,from the team when their existence is,born out of nothing but being part of,the team,can you imagine,and as one last class before i get into,what im getting at theres the good,witch shes one of the better characters,in the movie because she does a lot,later on and because the actor playing,her does a great job but we also still,dont get to know her as an individual,not where she comes from or why shes on,this journey personally shes mostly,there to represent the motives of the,group,i believe you were given some reading,material yeah yeah,and more importantly she has no bond,with nude not outside of what gets said,out loud on the train weve corresponded,for many years but weve never actually,met so her book on advanced charm,casting is so if theres no kind of real,positive or negative connection between,her and the hero why would we care about,her being on the heros team the point,im getting at is that for various,reasons its very difficult to introduce,many characters as a group it might work,in a book because with every character,you can stop and go into an in-depth,explanation of who they are and why,theyre here and how they know the hero,and so and so on but in a movie you,cant do that if you intro characters in,your script by just writing their name,and having another character state who,they are the readers gonna forget them,in two seconds bunty broadacre my,indispensable assistant past seven years,so in film to establish characters as,individuals you need to do it through,their own circumstances and connections,with the hero like in inception for,example arthurs a dream thief working,with cobb ariadne is a gifted student,who gets brought into this world eems is,a field thats uncomfortable with,trouble yusuf makes a living by,maintaining dreams cytos the blackmailer,putting all this emotion every person in,this group has enough individuality to,at the very least stand on their own,because if they dont then you get,characters like this evil witch who is,meant to have value of her own shes,grindelwalds right hand woman shes the,one we tail at a dinner she often is,resented as someone we should be,intimidated by alone after a year,which doesnt work because she never,does anything alone to earn it in her,intro she and her actions get lost among,the actions of these others if you want,her to function exclusively as a part of,a group fine but if you want her to,stand as an individual then do that in,her intro have her attack newt alone and,bring in others only after her initial,attack because in a movie the only way,to make the audience characters as,individuals is to build them up,individually,another major book problem here is the,lack of clear direction and sense of,progress which basically destroys the,second act essentially once the heroes,have shown up on the train newt hands,out material given by dumbledore and,explains dumbledores plan to stop,whatever it is grindelwald doing a plan,that we dont get to know because it,relies on the

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Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Review

this is the team thats going to take,down the most dangerous visit in a,century,who wouldnt like our chances,[Music],theres nothing fantastic about the,secrets of dumbledore the third film in,the fantastic beasts prequel series the,story is dull the characters are duller,its visually unimaginative and there,are few actual secrets of which to speak,where its predecessor the crimes of,grindelwald was built around a messy,anti-climax this one falls apart much,sooner to the point that it has to,introduce a whole new magical conceit in,order to justify how haphazard the whole,thing truly is,what youre doing is madness,with or without you ill burn down their,world,a year after the events of the first,film newt scamander is back were gonna,need some help as is his stone-faced,brother theseus and his muggle friend,jacob kowalski even though none of them,really has any reason to be the larger,plot about the rise of wizard fascist,gellert grindelwald and the woes of,young albus dumbledore has moved far,beyond them and barely requires their,involvement in any legible way then,again given the way the movie is,constructed you could just as easily,remove title character dumbledore from,the equation and little would change,its a bad sign when not a single,character feels integral to your,ensemble fantasy film but the roster of,magicians isnt the only thing that,feels on autopilot the very act of,following the story quickly becomes a,passive affair some peoples motivations,are eventually clarified though only,through verbal explanation well after,the fact and at least three major,characters experience 180 degree turns,that feel triggered by the flip of a,switch the fact that everything didnt,go precisely to plan was precisely the,plan,at the center of all of this is a,magical baby deer called a chillin and,its representative of a few nagging,problems it turns out that this chilean,has a role in selecting wizard doms new,magical leader this proves to be an,issue because the overarching plot,concerns grindelwald being cleared of,his crimes and standing for a major,election at the last second it never,needs grindelwald to express what he,believes through words or actions since,the election comes down to the specifics,of a mystical ceremony rather than,anything akin to a real world process,where peoples voices and opinions,matter it rarely feels like theres an,actual wizarding world beyond the,confines of the set let alone one with,actual perspectives and moving political,parts its also hastily explained that,the chilean can help predict the future,meaning our heroes realize early on that,the villain can predict their every move,its a potentially interesting approach,but it never comes up again leaving the,little deers secondary function feeling,distinctly like it was tacked on in,post-production as a retroactive excuse,for why the movie is a complete and,utter mess otherwise the secrets of,dumbledore is almost always divided,between half a dozen subplots that,rarely add up none of which feel as if,theyre of any consequence unless they,happen to unfold somewhere in,grindelwalds vicinity director david,yates also ends up visually restrained,by the fact that theres just not very,much magic in this story for the most,part theres rarely a difference between,the magical and non-magical spaces and,the beasts arent all that fantastical,either every location is plain and gray,and while the muted visual palette,occasionally works it leaves most of the,film looking and feeling drab even when,it ought to be exciting jacob is perhaps,the closest thing to an actual,protagonist but his function instead of,anything rooted in his story is simply,to be an audience point of view,character for longtime adult viewers,we cant try to make things right,therein lies the films fatal flaw it,feels aimed at grown-up potter fans,despite being distinctly juvenile in its,conception despite its focus on politics,its completely apolitical with a plot,that centers on three potential wizard,leaders without actually framing or,expressing any of their beliefs,including those of its central villain,the secrets of dumbledore maintains the,series continuity but only in the most,superficial goldfish memory sense few,characters have anything resembling real,human emotions or motivations stemming,from the previous films because their,purpose isnt to be real people but,rather to assist in the slow forward,crawl of a plot whose pieces can be,reassembled in practically any,combination without the big picture,really changing,fantastic beasts the secrets of,dumbledore spends two and a half hours,doing little of note remaining scattered,across half a dozen inconsequential,subplots for most of its run time it,looks drab but it feels like it was made,by people who want to leave its magical,premise behind even though the series,refuses to have anything resembling,grown-up politics or perspectives,[Music],thats nothing you can do to stop me for,more movie reviews check out what we,thought of morbius and ambulance and for,everything else stick with ign

The Secret Crimes of a Dying Franchise

Hey everyone!,Before we start the video I just want to give a BIG thanks to the literal thousands of people,who have signed up for my patreon over the last couple of days.,You guys are absolutely amazing and I love you all.,So from now on let’s just say all of my videos are sponsored by my amazing patrons!,If you’d like to become a patron the link is down in the description below.,There’s going to be a whole lot more extra content coming that way in the very near future.,So don’t want to miss out.,Okay, now, let’s talk about this train wreck.,So, I watched The Secrets of Dumbledore (twice) so you dont have to.,I wasn’t going to watch it, but my morbid curiosity to see what Rowling had shat out,this time got the better of me.,So I hunted around online for a watchable video of… through entirely legal means.,And honestly, with the high quality of phone cameras these days, I expect better from these,things.,Then sat down to watch the movie of which critics have said:,“A world full of wizards has never felt less magical”,“A once-promising franchise hits bottom”,“The Secrets of Dumbledore is just trying to get it over with”,And,“A franchise chore”,Lovely.,And… not at all inaccurate.,Okay, so, full-on spoilers-synopsis ahead.,But honestly…,you’re not missing much.,The movie starts out with a quick scene between Dumbledore and Grindelwald where Dumbledore,states clearly, for the first time, that he was in love with Grindelwald.,He repeats this statement later on.,All together this takes up six seconds of screen time, which has been edited out for,the Chinese release.,Shocker.,We then move on to our purveyor of Fantastic Beasts, Newt Scamander as he, I think, assists,with the birth of a magical lizard deer called a qilin.,I say I think, because it was obvious that the theater doors were open so I could only,make out about half the screen.,So baby qilin is born, then Newt is attacked by Credence, of being expelled from other,Warner Bros movies fame, and the qilin is kidnapped.,But luckily another qilin was born.,Twinsies!,What luck.,Meanwhile Jacob, back in full muggle mode after, kind of being a part of the team at,the end of the second movie, is recruited by a fabulous witch named Lally, to come back,to the team again.,Even though he’d been on the team the last time we’d seen him.,But so was Nagini and she just up and disappeared too.,Oh and apparently this movie only takes place a year after the first Fantastic Beasts movie,,even though that took place in the 20s and the final battle between Dumbledore and Grindelwald,is supposed to take place in 1945.,Anyway…,Jacob joins the team and we meet up with the bunch of misfits, led by Dumbledore who shows,off the fine jewelry thats stopping him from being able to fight Grindelwald.,That nonsense McMuffin introduced in the last movie.,And then we find out that there’s a wizarding world election going on.,Time to elect a new president of the whole wizarding world.,There’s two candidates.,A woman named Santos and a man named Tao.,Who are… not part of the plot at all, really.,According to dialogue a qilin, which seems to be pronounced differently outside the movie,but we’ll stick with this for now, had once been used to pick the next wizarding world,big cheese, because qilins can sense goodness in people.,That’s what makes them fantastic.,A fantastic beast, if you will.,We’re left to assume that its been centuries since they’ve actually done that, but apparently,they’re going back to basics this time around.,Kind of.,We’ll get to it.,Sort of.,So at a big event for the nominees, its announced that Grindlewald has been pardoned of all,his past crimes, and so now he can run for president of the wizarding world too.,And why wouldn’t he?,He has an army of dedicated followers.,But isn’t it up to the qilin to make the decision?,So, things go south and the team is broken up into multiple teams, which is always smart,,under the pretense of confusing Grindelwald, who now has the qilin.,But he kills It and reanimates it so it will bow to him come time for the election.,Which moves us into the second act, which I’m not going to describe because it’s,damn well pointless.,The whole of the second act doesn’t need to happen.,Nothing takes place that really changes things, other than Credence finding out that hes,not Dumbledores kid or brother, but he IS a Dumbledore.,His dad was Dumbledores brother, Aberforth.,Who was getting it on with some girl in the village.,But Credence barely exists in this movie so who the hell cares?,Basically the second act is for action scenes and lots of slow motion to entertain the kiddies.,And a crab walk.,Seriously, there was like 15 minutes of this movie that could have been replaced with Zoidburg.,Going into the third act, our group of heroes are once again sent on a mission, each of,them carrying a copy of Newts magical briefcase, one of which contains the living qilin.,This way Grindelwald’s goons won’t know which briefcase to snatch.,How does Grindelwald know there’s even a second qilin to begin with?,Magic.,He does a magic thing and sees that there’s another one.,Or might be another one.,Maybe.,He’s not sure.,So everyone convenes in Bhutan, where the election will take place.,High-jinx ensues until its time for the qilin to pick its person, who ends up being Grindelwald,,of course.,But newt is having none of it.,He says there’s another qilin, the living one, but he can’t find it so he can’t,prove it.,Because nobody has the briefcase with the qilin in it.,So the wizards vote and Grindelwald becomes president.,Which…,This movie is really bad for this.,But it likes to introduce things that have never once been referenced in HER material,over the last 3 decades.,Where once upon a time you had the Ministry of Magic, and then the American Congress of,Magic.,Apparently there is an… overlord of magic?,Who is elected to preside over all of wizardkind?,This is very fundamentally important worldbuilding that you think would have been explored in,depth before now.,I know it’s been vaguely referenced but we need to know this going into this movie.,I mean in narrative terms they needed an important title for Grindelwald to try and win.,So SHE just… pulled something out of her ass?,Nevermind that Grindelwald could organize his followers into a militia and skip this,Batman V Superman Lex-Luthor-Esque scheme so complicated that if you look at it the,wrong way it just completely falls apart.,But apparently this needed to be a political drama.,And a spy thriller.,And a kids movie.,And an adventure movie.,And — right, a Fantastic Beasts movie.,Well, the qilin, as the fantastic mcguffin of this movie, is… kinda… pointless?,Because in ages past, a qilin would bow before a collection of candidates — thereby indicating,the most suitable one to become leader.,However, because peering into someone’s soul is so pedestrian, wizards resorted to,the barbarism of democratic elections instead.,And while they’re still having an election (not even a secret ballet because reasons),,Grindelwald is also going to bring a qilin for extra measure.,Even though it’s abundantly clear he has a strong voter base that is growing by the,minute.,Not only based on dialogue in the previous two installments, but also indicated by a…,kind of attempted assassination attempt on him?,Or one of the other candidates by the twinkiest wizard since before Daniel Radcliffe had chest,hair?,But even then, not really because Lally yeets the poison out the window anyway.,But bear in mind the qilin’s verdict is not binding.,Wizards and witches can still cast a vote for whomever.,So…,there’s a possibility that the qilin could tell the populace that someone is perfect,for the job, and then they won’t vote for them anyway?,Does the qilin choose the leader, or do the people?,This seems only slightly less unnecessarily complicated than our ‘muggle’ method of,determining the state of conflict and economy in the world, based on an election in Ohio,every four years.,

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore – Angry Review

[Music],hey guys and welcome to our review of,fantastic beasts the secrets of,dumbledore directed by david yates,uh screenplay by jk rowling and steve uh,cloves and this is uh the third film and,what was always intended to be at least,a trilogy but as joes pointed out to me,looked it up uh theres supposedly,five of these,um this was announced going in 2016,and she said it would be composed of,five films im not sure we need five,after uh watching this and as of,february 2022 producer david heyman,revealed that work on the scripts for,fantastic beasts four had not begun yet,um and honestly i dont really see where,they go after this one i think,this one kind of completes,this rather,ho-hum kind of boring uh story to me um,the whole character of uh,the new yeah,right yeah,theres no harry potter uh,he really they they give him a pat on,the back for being awesome couldnt have,done it without you nude at the end of,this film and i was like yeah you,actually kind of could have done it,without him uh 100,joe yeah im pretty sure you could have,done it uh he actually what does he do,he saves his brother is what he does we,save the twin uh creature,i guess sure and if you want to talk,about,beasts in your fantastic beasts film uh,there there really are none uh theres,one new creature uh that they tie the,whole film around because theyre like,[ __ ] we gotta we gotta ride in a,fantastic beast of some sort so they,have this majestic creature that is the,purest of all purest creatures and it,will determine who is voting what is it,called,i,the chitlins will select the leader of,the magic world and uh,so,honestly,um except for me the third act where we,get a confrontation that ive been,waiting for,for so many films and frankly this,franchise is like a cold wet uh you know,i dont know fart no because farts are,funny like this this isnt even funny,you know try it tried to do the thing we,get the final confrontation but its,its no voldemort slash,versus potter,um and its kind of resolved and i dont,know i dont understand where they could,take the next two films and i would be,even less excited than i was for this,one which was a pretty low excitement um,but yeah do we need five films to,capture [ __ ],trend,i know right oh you got a weekend god,damn it not even that great of a,building uh he looks quite a bit,different in this film from uh why is,that yeah i dont know,it is as if uh wb has decided to,uh replace johnny depp because magic,liar amber,first well now we gotta well first he,was which by the way,theyre uh televising that court and,theres some [ __ ],bombs shes like abusive to her,assistance yeah i saw that yeah it just,sucks for johnny who like is no longer a,part of this uh explained by magic,because he was colin fair and now to,transform into yeah its easy well cool,ezra miller will be gone next time,because that guys a psycho apparently,its gonna be good thats how everyones,gonna be theyve kind of explained it,here too yeah they were like oh [ __ ] we,gotta get it hes different looking now,that was already gonna happen but they,have an excuse to get rid of ezra miller,well talk about that in the spoiler,section um but yeah it just um it was,flat mostly flat until that uh theres a,sequence uh that does include uh uh when,they get to the creatures again theres,a whole dungeon-like prison with some,[ __ ] crab scorpions,like damn this is dark this is gross,this is cool this is not for kids this,is fantastic beasts and that [ __ ] was,not like this like seriously like as a,warning this is not a movie to take,little kids to uh all like if you read,any other reviews on the internet like,children are crying in the first 30,minutes of this movie it is savage like,worse than bambi savage yeah with the,creatures and stuff yeah theyre getting,slaughtered for no reason yeah in order,to i dont know pull at the heartstrings,of adults uh really manipulating adults,with the little cute things dying,um really uh low manipulative but,anyways uh yeah so what did you guys,think of the film i feel the same way,like,the beginning was kind of boring me,and i was like i was honestly trying to,stay away from like oh my god i happen,to look over and o.j is like,oh my god really do we need to do this,then like it started picking up a little,bit it started picking up a little bit,but then they try to get you with the oh,now were at hogwarts so you started,playing joke of all three of us you were,the biggest harry potter fan and you,were the one falling asleep,in the it was it was slow,can you blame me no i dont blame you at,all i dont blame you at all,yeah they try to get you with the little,oh were back at hogwarts and then you,get the jingles and everything little,they dont return to hogwarts its as if,she feels like she always has to go back,there in order to try to pluck some of,the magic back and its just not,happening uh maybe the reason why you,were falling asleep is boy is it,exposition dump heavy in the beginning,its like at one point a character,literally goes i am,i think it was jacob hes like i am,jacob and i am this and this and this,and this like hes literally explaining,his character,and where his character is yeah at this,point,jacob i like you from the first film you,dont need to do all this stuff,and like the main story,i dont really give a [ __ ] about i dont,know the versus grim wall is that one or,nudes yeah dumbledore in uh yeah,dumbledore,that plot i was like thats the main,plan i was like i dont really care it,is long joe yeah show me more the,creatures more of the the other stuff,but two and a half hours,my girl stormed out of there because she,was ready to leave i answered are you,mad,uh yeah so,yeah i dont think this movie is i dont,think its great uh it doesnt have any,focus on the animals the animals are,complete and total afterthought this,director also hates color all of his,movies are black white gray,and you you expect to see you know,fantastic beasts the fantastic beasts,arent in this movie this movie is not,again like if you bring young children,theyre going to be upset like theres,animals getting,violently murdered animals getting rea,ritualistically killed uh so you can,play so you can play in their blood like,seriously and im not making this up,this movie is not for children and its,not for people with [ __ ] brains,because this is it has all the worst,parts of childrens movie where like the,bad guys can kill the good guys and they,try to kill the good guys but then they,you know they dont theyre like im,gonna put you in this dungeon where,scorpions gonna eat you over the course,of nine days oh no you escaped in the,nine-day suit like timer that we did,its its like that at the very end of,the movie they they stun the guy in the,back of the head and they could have,just killed him but they dont and its,constantly like that so you cant think,about this movie at all so its not for,thinking grown adults its not for harry,potter fans and its certainly not for,children who the [ __ ] is this for uh,people who want to return to the world,and they want to be entertained but its,already i wanted yeah,but it didnt get me there didnt get me,yeah,but honestly they really do make uh,magic users and wizards look dumb as,[ __ ] because this is a film about,politics and the politics of grindwald,sort of sliming his way to the top even,though,hello did you do you would you know what,he did in the past two films is he does,he,you know,deserve to be,you know,and its theres literally a moment,where theyre just the standard wizard,population is like,lets attack the muggles lets [ __ ],kill the muggles and then literally,maybe,a minute and 32 seconds later theyre,like yeah lets not attack them,im sorry man i just got caught up in,the rock,fireworks and the color of the person,they want to vote for or whatever i was,like oh my god this is so stupid you are,its like everyones giving a gun just,shooting up in the air yeah,stupider than normal muggles and i,thought wiza

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Pitch Meeting

[Music],so you have a new fantastic beasts movie,for me yes sir i do well all right so,whats going on with uh,whats his name uh nugget scaffolding,mute scamander yeah i dont care well at,the beginning of the movie hes gonna,help this magical creature called a,chilin give birth okay but then credence,and some other grindelwald followers pop,out and kill the mother and steal the,baby and give it to grindelwald who,slits its throat oh my god yeah i hope,little kids dont come see this one,cause its gonna be brutal oh boy youve,got some issues i think so whats up,with this animal why do they want it,anyway well this freaking little baby,deer looking thing could see inside,peoples souls and sometimes they use it,in wizard elections and also it can see,the future a bit they use little magical,baby deers in their political system,yeah they do because we kind of have no,choice but to have a fantastic beast,involved in the story somehow thats a,good point we kind of wrote ourselves,into a corner with these titles so,anyway turns out the mama deer actually,had twins and newt manages to save the,other baby oh very sweet why did,grindelwald kill the other one though,well he does some dark magic stuff with,it and now he can kind of see the future,and also he brings it back to life and,manipulates it so itll choose him,during the elections of the next big,head wizard or whatever isnt he a,wanted criminal he is yeah but he gets,some politicians to say that hes not a,wanted criminal anymore and that means,he can be a candidate immediately yeah i,feel like the wizarding political,systems kind of nonsensical yeah i mean,please dont think about it too much oh,okay although a bunch of the movie,revolves around it so anyway dumbledore,wants to stop grindelwald but they have,that blood pack thing where they cant,even think about attacking each other,wow so what do they do they think of,elaborate ways of attacking each other i,guess that makes sense but since,grindelwald can see the future the good,guys have to go on almost nonsensical,adventures just kind of a string of,things happening for a while what do you,mean they need to make their plans so,confusing and hard to follow that,grindelwald wont know whats going on,that kind of sounds like youre,preemptively making excuses for your own,storytelling nope its to confuse,grindelwald oh all right so what kind of,stuff do they get up to oh well,dumbledore is gonna send this one guy,yusuf to go spy on grindelwald oh boy i,bet thats gonna mess with grindelwalds,plans you know it sir later in the movie,yusufs gonna knock like three guys over,oh so,you know mission accomplished i guess,yeah that doesnt sound super impactful,to be honest yeah i guess its not but,were gonna do it anyway well okay then,oh and also dumbledores gonna be like,hey that muggle jacob hes such a good,guy lets get him on the team lets give,him a wand why does he do that so jacob,could have a wand in the movie trailer,and no other reason oh he cant actually,use it no i mean hes a muggle but this,other good witch is gonna make it seem,like hes using magic and its gonna,look like an assassination attempt on,grindelwald doesnt he hate muggles he,does yeah thats his whole thing his,supporters do why fuel that fire i dont,know okay oh and also jacob wants,queenie back but shes like on the dark,side now oh yeah why is that again,because right okay and so whats going,on with queenies sister tina she was a,big part of the last two movies wasnt,she yeah yeah super important character,but shes busy so shes only gonna be in,like one scene shes busy yeah she got a,big promotion so shes got some,important stuff to do more important,than saving the world and her sister,whos with the most dangerous wizard,there is yes oh okay and what about that,credence guy oh well hes dumbledores,nephew and hes dying and hes sad and,hes in this movie because he was in the,other two that is a good reason to,include him sure also at a certain point,newts brother is going to be put in,this prison with these little crab,creatures and newts going to have to,save him how does he manage that by,doing this oh doing this is tight yeah,so hes going to do that for quite some,time and save the day hey can i ask you,something of course what the hells,going on exactly right so now that a,bunch of stuff has happened its time,for the wizard elections oh it is okay,great and since its such a tight race,they decide to go with the ancient,tradition of a magical baby deer,kneeling in front of someone whos pure,of heart ah but its grindelwalds,zombie deer it is and so then it kneels,in front of grindelwald and the crowd,goes wild and vote for him is there no,way for them to verify that this baby,deer hasnt been compromised theres not,no so everybody votes for grindelwald,dang yeah so right away he declares war,on the muggles and starts torturing,jacob in front of everyone because of,that assassination attempt wait did,these people think that jacob is a,muggle or that he tried to assassinate,grindelwald using magic it seems like it,cant be both hey shut up so then the,good guys are like actually that baby,deer is dead and we have it has a twin,and we have it and this one will kneel,in front of the real person who is pure,of heart and everybody just trusts that,theyre telling the truth they do yeah,because the zombie deer kind of just,re-dies immediately oh great so then you,know who this creature kneels in front,of you know whos pure of heart i mean,if i had to guess id say jacob right,because then grindelwald and all his,followers would be confronted with the,idea that a muggle can also be,pure-hearted and also i think dumbledore,was maybe hinting at this right isnt,that why he brought him on the team,because hes a good guy oh yeah that,would have been pretty good i guess i,have a kneeling in front of dumbledore,whats the logic there people like,dumbledore oh that is true a lot of,brand recognition on the name dumbledore,yeah yeah so dumbledore becomes this,lead wizard or whatever well actually,hes like no thank you i dont want it,so then the baby deer kneels in front of,this other candidate santo so then she,gets elected oh is that a good thing i,guess i mean were not really gonna,explain who she is or what her deal is,im sure shell be fine yeah maybe so,then grindelwald is gonna attack,credence and dumbledores gotta stop him,well its gonna be hard for him to do,that with that whole blood pact thing,actually its gonna be super easy barely,an inconvenience oh really yes see,because dumbledore stepped in that,breaks the blood pact because of fate,and now they can fight again why does,that break the blood pact magic how does,that make sense though its magic okay,so then they have just the most,desaturated fight very exciting yeah but,they dont really want to kill each,other because they have this very deep,very easy to edit out for china love for,each other very romantic except for in,the chinese market and so then,grindelwald kind of retreats and jumps,off a wall where does he go into the,sequel if this makes money got it will,it better make money or i dont know how,im gonna manage to buy canada that,doesnt seem like a realistic goal sir i,want that poutine all right so then we,wrap things up and jacob and queenie get,married oh is she just all forgiven for,having helped grindelwald almost rise to,power yeah shes all good a very quick,redemption so what do you think oh it,sounds like a great movie i do think,were gonna have to play it safe and,recast johnny depp though just because,you know theres a bunch of stories out,there just play it safe no problem maybe,we get mads mikkelsen to play,grindelwald yeah i mean that sounds,great how do we explain the sudden,change in appearance between the movies,though we just dont all right i mean,that feels a little weird but at least,this way were sure were not associated,with any potentially controversial,actors well be in the clear,[Music],hi everybody ryan here tha

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